Jessica's Take

I would consider this submission not to be ready to pitch yet but still needing work. Some areas that need to be improved:

--Shifting of POV. It's my opinion this writer isn't ready to write omniscient. Ex: Second scene, the shifting from Deborah to her brother. "Derrick looked at his younger sister’s face. He had to admit that she looked haggard and drained."

--Dialogue that sounds unnatural. Ex: “Speaking of Tennessee, we’re leaving tomorrow morning at 6:00 A.M." It's hard to believe she went to bed not knowing that.

--Information drops. "Deborah, Derrick, and Ann were joining Tim, Leah and rest of the Sampson family for the Sampson’s family reunion. Since Tim and Leah’s wedding, Deborah had become a part of the Sampson family also. She was invited to family functions and on vacations and even baby-sat for Leah and Tim once a month, so they could have some time together without Tim II." That could have shown rather than told.

--not capturing the reader's emotions they way I think the writer intends. I was not afraid for Deborah after the first paragraph. "Deborah shifted her weight, trying to get comfortable among the shoes and other items on the floor of the closet. She knew from experience that she may have to stay in the closet all night. These little episodes were becoming all too familiar. If she weren’t so embarrassed, she would find a way to escape." This does not sound like the mindset of someone in the state of panic. She seems rational and a little annoyed and somewhat embarrassed.

To the writer, don't lose heart. That is the struggle all writers face 'how to show not tell'. It takes work and practice. Don't forget to layer in the five senses. It sounds like the first husband is coming back to stalk his wife, which is always an interesting plot.