Jessica's Take

Here's my thoughts:

I found it unusual that this protagonist is twenty-five-years-old—assuming T.J is the person meant in the first line "Five-year-olds remember things, even after they've turned twenty-five.” To me, she seemed younger, more like twelve. Her characterization when opening the watch is what gave me that impression.

I would suggest toning down the 'happy' relationship she had with her grandfather, and upping the mystery of what happened in that house 20 years ago with her dad. It's been the first time she's set foot inside in a while. That would hook me.

Again, since your protagonist is twenty-five, I think the letter about the watch being "special and possessing great power" is out of place. If she were a pre-teen, maybe.

I'm not sure where you're going with this, but knowing that this is a short story, as opposed to a novel, I have a feeling this is going to have a Twilight Zone quality. It might be a good idea to watch a few episodes of the T.Z. and see how they lure their viewers along. Puzzling over why all he left her was a watch, when she was obviously a favorite might be one a method. The protagonist is in her mid-twenties. She's not likely to believe the watch will be lucky for her, so why not present it to your readers like that. Reveal the watch bit-by-bit, and make it a mystery to the reader. (That said, I could be utterly wrong, as I have no idea where this story is going.)

Thanks so much for submitting this! I enjoyed reading it.