Ane's Critique

While the writing is good, it isn't stellar. Also, keep in mind all writing is subjective. This is my opinion.

I don't mind gore, but this was a bit much for my taste. Is there any way to put some of this off stage? Normally, I'm all for action, but putting a miscarriage in Technicolor with the mental picture of a woman sitting on the toilet was a bit off-putting for me. Although you have the heroine's tragic event right up front, I don't have any real connection for her, yet. I don't know her. I'm wondering if this even might not be better placed in chapter 2.

…
I didn’t want to wake my husband, Nathan. He had an early board meeting (that was) too important to miss. …

As soon as I heard him close the garage door and start his car, I rushed into the bathroom (and sat on the toilet) **We get the picture.**. I got there just in time for one huge cramp, then a rush of blood (into the toilet).**I think it's the toilet that is so off-putting. To me, it reduces this event to waste matter. I have no sympathy evoked, but distaste.** I sat and waited. …

Then I felt it slither out of me. **too much information** The large, clotted mass of tissue that would have been my firstborn child. …

… I pulled on some underwear and a maxi pad **too much information** and lay down on the bed, seeking comfort in the softness of my sateen sheets.

… Every few minutes, a bird would land on a healthy branch**what made it healthy and why is this important? Is it a metaphor for something?** and sing for while, then fly away.

… I didn’t want to leave a distressed message that would get him (all) upset.

…And this was just another miscarriage. **This doesn't tell me why he feels that way, but it certainly made me dislike him**

… Everything in my good Christian upbringing said never (to) question God for the bad things that happened in life.

… When I lost my parents and sister. When I suffered abuse in foster home after foster home. **this back story might be better infused in a later chapter**

… Ironic (that) I never got to use them for myself.