Deanne Gist's Musical Tribute - Show Vs. Tell

Words, Words, Words. I’m So Sick of Words!
by Bestselling Author Deeanne Gist

Remember that song from My Fair Lady?

“Words! Words! Words! I’m so sick of words!

I hear words all day through;

First from him, now from you!

Is that all you blighters can do?

Don’t talk of stars burning above;

If you’re in love, Show me!”

That’s the song I force myself to focus on when I’m writing. Because, honestly, if I had my druthers, I’d rather tell. It’s so much easier.

“Tell me no dreams filled with desire.

If you’re on fire, Show me!”

But when I try to “show” the reader, what’s my first instinct? To rely on clichés.

“Here we are together in the middle of the night!

Don’t talk of spring! Just hold me tight!

Anyone who has ever been in love’ll tell you that

This is no time for a chat!”

And, sadly, our readers are no different than Eliza Doolittle in this respect. They don’t want to read a story, they want to experience it. And the best way to accomplish this is by evoking emotion.

I know. Easier said than done. Still, we writers have a toolbox. And if we forage around in it, we’ll find a very powerful tool. It is the one Eliza is so adamant about: Let’s see some action!

A great example of this can be found in Jane Yolen’s, Sleeping Ugly. It’s a children’s book about a princess who is pretty on the outside and ugly on the inside. Watch how Yolen uses a show-don’t-tell technique to convey the princess’s inner qualities.

TELLING: Princess Miserella was mean.
SHOWING: Princess Miserella liked stepping on dogs. She kicked kittens. She threw pies in the cook’s face. And she never—not even once—said thank you or please.

Don’t you just love that? Showing is so much more powerful because it causes feelings within us to bubble up. That is our character’s single most important function: To cause the reader to feel.

When I read about a princess who steps on dogs and kicks kittens, it calls up feelings of hostility and outrage. It is so unheroic that I take an immediate dislike to her.

Now, let’s have a look at Plain Jane (who is plain on the outside, but pretty on the inside). In this scene, Jane has earned three wishes from the fairy godmother and Princess Miserella is none too happy about it:

“The princess stamped her foot.

‘Do that again,’ said the fairy, taking a pine wand from her pocket, ‘and I’ll turn your foot to stone.’

Miserella stamped her foot again. It turned to stone.

Plain Jane sighed. ‘My first wish is that you change her foot back.’”

After reading this, my heart immediately went awwwww. I like this girl. I like her a lot and I’m going to root for her the entire rest of the book.

I hesitate to break this down even further, but the truth is, we’re trying to get our readers to judge our characters. I know. Not exactly a friendly mission, but there it is. And neither you nor I can restrain ourselves. When we read a passage presented in the right way, we pronounce judgment on that character and, if the author is very skillful, the passage will draw a physical response from us. The whole reason we laugh, cry, tense up, swoon, bite our nails, or feel our pulse began to race is because the author has engaged us. The author has wielded her show-don’t-tell tool and evoked our emotions.

Like all rules, there needs to be a balance. If we attempt to maintain a high level of emotion all the way through the book, the reader will be too exhausted to enjoy it. So, balance the peaks with some quiet valleys. But even in a restful state, we have feelings.

“Don’t wait until wrinkles and lines

Pop out all over my brow,

Shooooooooow me now!”

Leave a comment for your chance to win* a copy of Deeanne’s brand new release, It Happened at the Fair.


* Entrants must have a valid mailing address within the continental USA.


 Deeanne Gist—known to her family, friends, and fans as Dee—has rocketed up the bestseller lists and captivated readers everywhere with her original historical and contemporary romances. A favorite among readers and reviewers alike, her popular titles include A Bride Most Begrudging, A Bride in the Bargain, and Maid to Match. Her latest book, It Happened at the Fair (releasing April 2013), is her ninth published novel.

A popular speaker, Gist’s presentations have been featured on the front page of the Wall Street Journal and in other publications. The Wall Street Journal’s accompanying online video was the most watched video on the FrontPageWSJ.com website for several days following their feature.

Gist has a background in education and journalism. Her credits include People, Parents, Parenting, Family Fun, Houston Chronicle and Orlando Sentinel. She is also the creator of I Did It!®, a parenting line of products. Gist lives in Houston, Texas with her husband of thirty years. The couple has four grown children. 

Read More

Feeling Emotional? Don’t Tell Anyone, Instead...

Show them!

Show your character's emotion, instead of naming it!

Telling the story, instead of showing it, is one of the most common mistakes beginners make. During the first draft almost all of us, no matter how advanced, tend to tell a lot of the story. It’s only natural. This is the time when our manuscript comes together and telling allows us to develop the bones or structure of the story before we refine it into a compelling work of fiction. But beginners often stop the refining process too early. So how do we take a story from just bare bones to one that's publishable? One of the best ways is to add depth by showing how our characters feel without naming their emotions.

Now, I know a lot of you are probably having the same reaction I did when I first heard it wasn’t a good idea to name an emotion. I had a rather loud conversation with the writing book that first shared this nugget of information.

“You have got to be kidding me! Who made up this stupid rule? How can I tell the reader what’s going on if I don’t use words like scared or angry?”

And there is the crux of the problem—beginning writers always default back to telling the story. Writing fiction is hard work. It takes a lot of time and effort to write a book and write it well. You already know this—after all that’s why you’re taking the time to read and study about how to improve.

Rewriting is a challenge where everyone wins!

Like I mentioned, I didn’t have a positive reaction to my first exposure to this convention. But now it’s an aspect of rewriting that I enjoy and even look forward to. I look on this as a challenge—a game of sorts. The best part of this game is that when I, the author wins, everybody else does too. Am I nuts? Absolutely, but I am, after all, a writer!

Let me give you some examples. I’ll start each out with an excerpt where I name the emotion. Then, in the second, I'll let you see how I changed it to let the reader decide the emotion by interpreting the character’s actions.

Example 1

Emotions Named:

She began to cry as shame and anger warred inside. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” Her voice sounded hoarse as she tried to control her frustration.

Emotions Implied:

Tears flooded her eyes, making his features blur as she lifted her head and tried to focus. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” Her voice came out like a croak and she tried to clear her throat, but choked on the unshed tears.

The first excerpt tells the reader what’s going on. Granted, the writing is clear, but we’ve all heard the expression that a picture is worth a thousand words. The second excerpt is that picture. It invites the reader into the action and leaves them to draw their own conclusions.

Here’s another one.

Example 2

Emotions Named:

Manaen rose, her anger giving her strength as she faced her brother. “Do not think to intimidate me.” His arrogance amazed her even as it infuriated her. “I am not a child to be bullied. My Lord’s Spirit speaks to me as clearly as to you.”

Emotions Implied:

Manaen rose in response, her eyes almost even with his as she drew herself up to her full height, oblivious of her feminine garment. “Do not think to intimidate me.” Her jaw worked as she gritted her teeth. “I am not a child to be bullied. My Lord’s Spirit speaks to me as clearly as to you.”

And a final one.

Let your reader see the anger in your character!

Example 3

Emotions Named:

Rage sent Josiah shooting to his feet. “I tell you, Manaen, I’ve never witnessed any Elder behave in this manner.” Josiah paced, feeling like his world was collapsing. Confusion made him restless. “I just don’t understand.”

Emotions Implied:

He shot up from the desk, upsetting the chair. “I tell you, Manaen, I’ve never witnessed any Elder behave in this manner.” Josiah prowled through the briefing area of their quarters, picking things up and setting them down again. “I just don’t understand.”

Now it’s your turn. Take one of these two sentences and show us the emotion in place of naming it.

Example 1

Susan’s agony flooded through her as sorrow mingled with guilt. “What have I done?”

Example 2

“Hello? Who’s there?” Jenny’s fear reached a crescendo as the footsteps above moved toward the stairs.

I can't wait to see what you come up with!

Edie Melson is a freelance writer and editor with years of experience in the publishing industry. She’s a prolific writer, and has a popular writing blog, The Write Conversation. She’s the co-director of the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference, as well as a popular faculty member at numerous others. She’s also the Social Media Coach at My Book Therapy.

Read More