Ane's Take

I made these notes as I read. I didn't care for the prologue, too fragmented. Does it really need to be there? I think (and this is only my opinion – worth about two cents) if you cut the Slap, slap line, it would read a whole lot better.

You use some wonderful descriptions in here and some good similes. You tend to overdo some, like the sweating. Remember less is more. That said, your similes are good ones; just don't use so many they lose their punch.

I'd like to see this start a bit later that it does. I got really interested when she was climbing the stairs and thought about Tim and the tree being trimmed. I loved how her legs shook from the weight of her pregnancy. Great description. You do a bit too much telling instead of showing. Like when she realized she was sobbing. Not realistic. Sobbing doesn't sneak up on a person. A stray tear might, but not sobbing.

I was a bit confused about Tom. In one part I thought he was dead, then at the end, it appears he's in Iraq.

All-in-all, I think this has the bones of a good story, but it needs a lot of work. I really want to encourage you to keep refining this. It needs tightening and focus. I wasn't sure where it was going or what your heroine's goal is—something to make the reader invest in her. What does she want? You might get a copy of GMC, Goal, Motivation and conflict by Debra Dixon.