Jessica's Take

Okay, I loved this sub! The voice drew me in from the first sentence on, and the word choice and rhythm of the sentence structure created a "feel" for the story—and only 1,000 words in.

The third paragraph I had to stop and re-read, as "Bet" threw me off. "Not this. Not death. Tears stained the silk shirt borrowed from my older sister, Bet. Mud from yesterday’s rain clung . . . " I suggest moving Bet to the middle of the sentence. "Tears stained the silk shirt borrowed from Bet, my older sister."

I thought the writer did a great job of layering in five senses. I did find myself wanting to read blocks of dialogue. A lot of the writing is circular, meaning you have to finish the full paragraph sometimes to understand the thought. I like that, but I also like straight forward bits (often found in dialogue) to balance it out.

It starts with a very good hook at the beginning, hints that the story leads somewhere poignant.

Great job! (Author, please e-mail and tell me sorts of books you read and recommend.)