Ane's Take

The prologue really caught my interest. I though it was well written, although it could stand some tightening and shortening. There are some very powerful thoughts in it.

But as we entered chapter 1, the writing fell short in my opinion. Besides the obvious grammatical errors and verb tense problems, it was very passive. I felt some confusion, but the author may have done that on purpose, since the protagonist is apparently in the throes of a breakdown. If so, it worked.

The action which with chapter one opened was lost in scene two with too much back story. I lost interest. However, it picked up again toward the end. I like this author's voice and style. I think with some tough editing, this has great potential.