Strengthening a Scene vs. Rearranging Words

by Susan May Warren

Now, what is the difference between strengthening a scene and re-arranging the words?

Strengthening a scene is discovering the emotional significance to the scene, the way it will affect the overall book, and milking it for the reader. Using setting and dialogue and body language and disappointment and WORDS to cut to the heart of a character.

Let’s take a look at the editing process in an actual scene. Below are three excerpts…the original, the edit, and the final product. See if you can see how I applied my editing checklist to strengthen the scene. This is the prologue from In Sheep’s Clothing.

Prologue

Five more minutes and she would be safe.

Gracie Benson hunched her shoulders and pulled the woolly brown scarf over her forehead, praying desperately her guise as a Russian peasant worked. Fear roiled through her as the train engine thundered through the station. She bristled, watching an elderly gentleman gather his bags, two canvas duffels, and shuffle across the cement platform. Would he turn, and scream, “Foreigner!” in the tongue that now drove fear into her American bones?

Without a glance at her, he joined the throng of other passengers moving toward the train as it rumbled by, one forest-green colored wagon after another. Another man, dressed upscale in a three-piece black silk suit fell in behind him. Gracie stiffened. Did he glance her way? Help me, Lord!

She didn’t know whom to trust after this morning’s horrific events.

The train slowed, ground to a stop, and hissed. Gracie shuffled forward, in keeping with her disguise of tired village maiden. She clutched a worn nylon bag in one hand — her black satchel safely tucked inside — and fisted the folds of her headscarf with the other. The smell of diesel fuel and dust hovered over the platform like a fog. Cries of good-bye drifted from well-wishing relatives, for others more fortunate and less alone than she.

Casting a furtive glance beyond the crowd, she caught sight of a militia officer. Fear coiled in her stomach. The soldier, dressed in muddy green fatigues, had an AK-47 hung over his shoulder like a fishing basket, and leaned lazily against the entrance doors, paying her no mind.

Hope lit inside her. Freedom beckoned from the open train door.

Stepping up to the conductor, she handed the woman her wadded ticket. The conductor glared at her as she unfolded the slip of paper. Gracie dropped her gaze and acted servile, her heart in her throat. The conductor paused only a moment before punching the ticket and motioning for Gracie to enter.

Gracie hauled up her jean skirt and climbed aboard.

The train smelled of hot vinyl and aged wood. The body odor of previous passengers clung to the walls, and grime pooled along the edges of a brown linoleum floor. Gracie bumped along the narrow corridor until she found her compartment. She’d purchased the entire private berth with the intent of slamming the door, locking it from inside and not cracking it open until she reached Vladivostok. The U.S. Consulate, only ten minutes from the train station, meant safety and escape from the nightmare.

Surely Evelyn’s assassin wouldn’t follow her to America.


Prologue with edits

If the train trudged any slower into the station, American missionary Gracie Benson would be dead by sunset. Five minutes. Twenty steps. Then she’d be safely aboard.

God obviously wasn’t on her side. Not today, at least.

Then again, He certainly didn’t owe her any favors. Not after her fruitless two years serving as a missionary in Russia.

Gracie purposely kept her gaze off heaven as she Five more minutes and she would be safe.

Gracie Benson hunched her shoulders and pulled the woolly brown scarf over her forehead. , Please,please let her guise as a Russian peasant work. praying desperately her guise as a Russian peasant worked. The train huffed its last, then belched, and Gracie jumped. Hold it together, Grace. Long enough to fool the conductor, and find her berth on the train for Vladivostok. Fear roiled through her as the train engine thundered through the station. Then she could finally slam the compartment door on this horrific day – no, on this entire abysmal chapter of her dark life. So much for finding redemption as a missionary in Russia. She’d settle for getting out of the country alive.

She tensed bristled, watching an elderly man dressed in the ancient Russian garb of worn fake leather jacket, wool pants, and a fraying beret gentleman gather his bags, two canvas duffels, and shuffle across the cement platform. Would he turn, and scream, “Foreigner!” in the tongue that now drove fear into her American bones?

Without a glance at her, he joined the throng of other passengers moving toward the train as it rumbled by, one forest-green colored wagon after another. Another man, dressed mafia-style in a crisp black leather jacket and suit pants, upscale in a three-piece black silk suit fell in behind him. Gracie stiffened. Did he glance her way? Help me, Lord!

Just because God wasn’t listening didn’t mean she couldn’t ask. The irony pricked her eyes with tears. This morning’s events had whittled down her list of trustworthy souls in Russia to a fine point. She’d give all the rubles in her pocket for someone like her cousin,

Chet, FBI agent extraordinaire, to yank her out of this nightmare into safety.

Not that she would give any man a chance to introduce himself before decking him. She’d been down that road once. Never was too soon to trust another man within arm’s distance.

She didn’t know whom to trust after this morning’s horrific events.

The train slowed, ground to a stop, and hissed. Gracie shuffled forward, in keeping with her disguise of tired village maiden. She clutched a worn nylon bag in one hand — her black satchel safely tucked inside — and fisted the folds of her headscarf with the other. The smell of diesel fuel and dust soured the breathable air and cries of good-bye The smell of diesel fuel and dust hovered over the platform like a fog. Cries of goodbye drifted from well-wishing relatives, for others more fortunate and less alone than she. from well-wishing relatives pooled grief in Gracie’s chest. Poor Evelyn.

Biting back grief, Gracie cast Casting a furtive glance beyond the crowd and, she caught sight of a militia officer. Fear coiled in her stomach. The soldier, dressed in muddy green fatigues, had an AK-47 hung over his shoulder like a fishing basket, and leaned lazily against the entrance doors, paying her no mind.

Hope lit inside her. Freedom beckoned from the open train door.

Stepping up to the conductor, she handed the woman her wadded ticket. The conductor glared at her as she unfolded the slip of paper. Gracie dropped her gaze and acted servile, her heart in her throat. Please, please. The conductor paused only a moment before punching the ticket and moving aside motioning for Gracie to enter.

Gracie hauled up her jean skirt and climbed aboard.

The train resonated with age in the smell of hot vinyl and polished wood. The train smelled of hot vinyl and aged wood. The body odor of previous passengers clung to the walls, and grime pooled along the edges of a brown linoleum floor. Gracie bumped along the narrow corridor until she found her compartment. She’d purchased the entire private berth with the intent of slamming the door, locking it from inside and not cracking it open until she reached Vladivostok. The U.S. Consulate, only ten minutes from the train station, meant safety and escape from the nightmare.

Surely Evelyn’s assassin wouldn’t follow her to America.

Escape from the memories. Surely Evelyn’s killer wouldn’t follow Gracie to America.

Final Prologue

If the train trudged any slower into the station, American missionary Gracie Benson would be dead by sunset. Five minutes. Twenty steps. Then she’d be safely aboard.

God obviously wasn’t on her side. Not today, at least.

Then again, He certainly didn’t owe her any favors. Not after her fruitless two years serving as a missionary in Russia.

Gracie purposely kept her gaze off heaven as she hunched her shoulders and pulled the woolly brown scarf over her forehead. Please, please let her guise as a Russian peasant work. The train huffed its last, then belched, and Gracie jumped. Hold it together, Grace. Long enough to fool the conductor and find her berth on the train for Vladivostok. Then she could finally slam the compartment door on this horrific day – no, on this entire abysmal chapter of her dark life. So much for finding redemption as a missionary in Russia. She’d settle for getting out of the country alive.

She tensed, watching an elderly man dressed in the ancient Russian garb of worn fake leather jacket, wool pants, and a fraying beret gather his two canvas duffels and shuffle across the cement platform. Would he recognize her and scream, “Foreigner!” in the tongue that now drove fear into her American bones?

Without a glance at her, he joined the throng of other passengers moving toward the forest-green passenger cars. A younger man, dressed mafia-style in a crisp black leather jacket and suit pants, fell in behind the old man. Gracie stiffened. Did he look her way? Help me, Lord!

Just because God wasn’t listening didn’t mean she couldn’t ask. The irony pricked her eyes with tears. This morning’s events had whittled down her list of trustworthy souls in Russia to a fine point. She’d give all the rubles in her pocket for someone like her cousin, Chet, FBI agent extraordinaire, to yank her out of this nightmare into safety.

Not that she would give any man a chance to introduce himself before decking him. She’d been down that road once. Never was too soon to trust another man within arm’s distance.

Gracie shuffled forward, in keeping with her disguise of tired village maiden. She clutched a worn nylon bag in one hand — her black satchel safely tucked inside — and fisted the folds of her headscarf with the other. The smell of diesel fuel and dust soured the breathable air and cries of good-bye from well-wishing relatives pooled grief in Gracie’s chest. Poor Evelyn.

Biting back grief, Gracie cast a furtive glance beyond the crowd and caught sight of a militia officer. The soldier, dressed in muddy green fatigues, hung an AK-47 hung over his shoulder like a fishing basket, and leaned lazily against a cement column, paying her no mind.

Hope lit inside her. Freedom beckoned from the open train door.

Stepping up to the conductor, she handed the woman her wadded ticket. The conductor glared at her as she unfolded the slip of paper. Gracie dropped her gaze and acted servile, her heart in her throat. Please, please.The conductor paused only a moment before punching the ticket and moving aside.

The train resonated with age in the smell of hot vinyl and polished wood. The body odor of previous passengers clung to the walls, and grime crusted the edges of a brown linoleum floor. Gracie bumped along the narrow corridor until she found her compartment. She’d purchased the private berth with the intent of slamming the door, locking it from inside and not cracking it open until she reached Vladivostok. The U.S. Consulate, only ten minutes from the train station, meant safety and escape from the nightmare.

Escape from the memories. Surely Evelyn’s killer wouldn’t follow Gracie to America.

Again, the key to strengthening a scene is to tighten it down and pull the most and best emotion from the scene. But knowing what emotion to pull out, the right words to use, how to NOT overwrite, and layering in all the elements can be tricky. 

This year, at Novel.Academy, we’re diving deep into the editing process with a series called Extreme Book Makeover! We’ll be looking at everything from the structure and characterization, to scenes, scene tension, storyworld, dialogue, emotions, wordsmithing and even polishing your novel. Get that course, and over 100 more when you join Novel.Academy. Check it our free lessons and see for yourself!

Your Story Matters. Go, Write Something Brilliant!

Susie May

TWEETABLES

Strengthening a Scene vs. Rearranging Words by Susan May Warren (Click to Tweet)

Discovering the emotional significance to the scene~ Susan May Warren (Click to Tweet)

Pull the most and best emotion from the scene~ Susan May Warren (Click to Tweet)

Susan May Warren is owner of Novel Rocket and the founder of Novel.Academy. A Christy and RITA award-winning author of over fifty novels with Tyndale,Barbour, Steeple Hill, Summerside Press and Revell publishers, she's an eight-time Christy award finalist, a three-time RITA Finalist, and a multi-winner of theInspirational Readers Choice award and the ACFW Carol. A popular writing teacher at conferences around the nation, she's also the author of the popular writing method, The Story Equation. A full listing of her titles, reviews and awards can be found at: www.susanmaywarren.com. Contact her at:susan@mybooktherapy.com.

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Does this word count make my book look big?

By Michael Ehret

(This post first appeared in 2012. It has been edited for wordiness. But even more could be slashed, I suspect.)

 Your manuscript is big-boned. Over the years, it has picked up a few extra words here and there. But that shouldn’t be a problem. Publishers should just accept your manuscript as it is, right? All of those skinny manuscripts are airbrushed anyway. No more manuscript-shaming!

Time to get serious, for the health of your book and your career.

Your book is likely overweight and if it doesn’t lower its word count it won’t be able to compete. Sign up for Word Watchers and get trim. Because, like Weight Watchers, Word Watchers works!

Word Watchers has developed four key principles that can help you self-edit that extra verbiage. These are borrowed from Weight Watchers directly, but adapted for writers.

Principle 1: Healthy word loss

Q. What’s healthy when it comes to word loss?

A. As trim as possible without sacrificing artistry or voice.

I think of it this way: If a word can be deleted, it gets deleted. Scour your writing for:

• Redundancies:
  1. “Josh estimated that they’d arrive in Minneapolis by roughly 4:00 p.m. in the afternoon.” (14 words)
  2. “Josh estimated they’d arrive in Minneapolis by 4:00 p.m.” (9 words)

• Wordiness:
  1. “Sarah knew that at her place of employment Jason was knee-deep in advance planning for the next year’s fundraising campaign.” (20 words)
  2. “Sarah knew her co-worker Jason was knee-deep in planning next year’s fundraiser.” (12 words)
  
  

Principle 2: Fits into your life

Any Word Watchers approach must be realistic, practical, and livable. You are not likely to become Ernest Hemingway straight out of the gate. But set goals that will help. Here are two simple tricks:

• That/Very: In almost every case, these words can be eliminated.
• Adverbs: Scorn them. “Adverbs are the tool of the lazy writer.” — Mark Twain For more on this.

Principle 3: Informed choices

At Word Watchers, writers learn not only what to do, but why. If you know why, you gain the confidence to make the right choices for your writing. Here are two websites I often visit for input:

1. Grammar Girl: Quick and Dirty Tips
2. Purdue University Online Writing Lab

I highly recommend American Christian Fiction Writers as a place to get grounded not only in the craft of writing, but in the career of writing as well.

Principle 4: Take a holistic view

Finally, the Word Watchers approach must be comprehensive. One of the best ways to practice tight writing is in a writer’s critique group that will, kindly and in love, kick your writing butt until you’re in shape. They’ll remind you of what you’ve learned (and of how often you’ve had to learn it). They will hold you down and sit on you until you’ve eliminated every extra word—and will expect you to do the same to them. With chocolate. 

Respond:

What's your favorite trick for trimming a bloated manuscript?

____________________________________

Michael Ehret has accepted God's invitation and is a freelance editor at WritingOnTheFineLine.com. In addition, he's worked as editor-in-chief of the ACFW Journal at American Christian Fiction Writers. He pays the bills as a marketing communications writer and sharpened his writing and editing skills as a reporter for The Indianapolis News and The Indianapolis Star.

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Breaking News: “Inflate-gate” expands!

By Michael Ehret

Are you over-inflating your writing?

This national story just in: Many, if not all, of your favorite authors have admitted to inflating the word counts of their latest novels, particularly in their early drafts! In fact, so widespread is this padding of novels—what is being informally referred to as “Inflate-gate”—that if you’re a writer, chances are the novel you’re working on right now is a bloated, over-written mess.

Why would authors, whose names you’d recognize if I named them, engage in this practice? After all, they’re already good enough that they don’t need the extra words to compete on the literary playing field.

What is their the motivation? Is it an inherent wordiness? A lust for the written word? A case of bibliophiles gone mad?

Or is it more? Is it just part of the process?

Tight writing

While the rest of the world is watching Tom Brady and Bill Belichick (from that football team on the East Coast) deny any and all knowledge of “Deflate-gate,” even as they throw each other under the bus in doing so, writers worldwide are battling inflated word counts, muddied prose, their own egos—and in some cases deadlines—to wrestle their novels into a more marketable size.

They are trying to write tight and edit even tighter. It's called self-editing. However, because of all the research, planning, plotting, exploring, and experimenting we writers like to do, we tend to think everything has to make it in the book. But that defeats tight writing.

All of these things can help cause inflation

What is tight writing? Simply, it is writing that uses every word necessary to tell the story, engage the reader, and impact the emotions—and not one word more. In tight writing, paragraphs don’t meander and sentences don’t lead readers astray.

Tight writing wins contests, agents, contracts, readers, and awards. Tight writing rocks.

Know word definitions

Redundancy is a big problem for many trying to write tight. Can you spot the redundancies in this sentence?

• Mandy was absolutely certain her advance planning would pay off when she got to the final conclusion of her first fiction novel. (22 words)
• Mandy was absolutely certain her advance planning would pay off when she got to the final conclusion of her first fiction novel. (18 words)

This ham-handed example sentence could still be much improved, but just eliminating the redundancies helps. It’s important to know the definition of a word and to choose the right word.

There is no doubt in certainty, so it is already absolute. All planning is done in advance; by definition it can’t be done in the past. Unless you’re filming The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King when you come to the conclusion, you’ve reached the end. All novels are fiction. There are no nonfiction novels.

Inflation is subtle

Unlike deflated footballs, which was almost certainly done on purpose by someone, over the course of a book it is easy to unintentionally inflate your word count. This example isn't egregious, but imagine how many words you can save over the course of a book?

• Before the conference, Jim created a summary of his story. (10 words)
• Before the conference, Jim summarized his story. (7 words) 

Help from the experts

I asked several author and editor friends for their top of mind tips to help writers with “Inflate-gate.” Here are tips from those who’ve been there and will be there again—just like you. I actually received more than 30 suggestions, but I'm trying to write tight.

Kimberley G. Graham

KGG is a member of my critique group, Thesaurus Wrecks, and the author of one of the finest books I read in 2013, The Rocking Horse of Tuscumbia. 

“To trim the fat, delete the ‘that’.” 

Pamela S. Meyers

Pam is a member of another critique group I’m part of, Penwrights, and the author of Love Finds You in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. 

“One method a friend shared with me when I had to cut down my word count was to divide the number of the current word count by the number of pages in the manuscript. That is the amount of words needing to be cut on each page to make the desired number. It really helps when you see it’s only seven words a page or whatever. Makes it less overwhelming and more doable.”

What I like about this tip is that it’s not a writing tip, per se, but an execution tip. Self-editing can be intimidating. Tips like this help, too.

Michelle Griep

Michelle is another Penwrights member of renown and the author of Brentwood’s Ward. 

“Get rid of stupid, unnecessary words like ‘like, really, that,’ etc. And don’t use so many adjectives like ‘stupid’ and ‘unnecessary’. Nouns and verbs are where it’s at, baby.”

Dori Harrell

Dori is a member of the Christian Proofreaders and Editors Network and the proprietor of Breakout Editing. 

“Delete all those unnecessary tags we authors seem to insert like ‘to himself,’ as in ‘he thought to himself.’”

Margot Starbuck

Another member of the Christian PEN and the proprietor of Wordmelon Literary Consulting. 

“If it can be cut, and still retain the essential meaning, cut it. If it feels too difficult, consider highlighting the extraneous text in grey, and reading through what remains. If it's stronger (Hint: It will be), then delete the grey!”

That pretty much sums it up. Do you have other tips that you like? Share! Through sharing we all get better.


Michael Ehret loves to play with words as a Marketing Communications Writer for CHEFS Catalog and as a freelance editor at WritingOnTheFineLine.com. Ehret is the former editor of the ACFW Journal and has edited several nonfiction books, proofedited for Abingdon Press, and reported for The Indianapolis Star.

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Joy in Revision

I’m somewhat of a revision monkey. I love sculpting words! Which likely explains why I prefer editing to writing.

So, I’m revising—again—and that means I’m reading through James Scott Bell’s excellent Revision & Self-editing—again. This is not a commercial, this is a strongly held opinion: If you don’t own this book you may not be a real writer.

Anyway. Each time I read through the book I glean new insights and shore up the things I already know.

Attributions, for instance 

One of the first things writers learn is that said, in most cases, is still the best attribution. Why? Because as JSB writes:

Almost always, the simple said should be your default setting. Some writers, under the erroneous impression that said isn’t creative enough, will strain to find ways not to use it. This is a mistake.

Said is almost invisible to the reader but for its primary use as a tag to tell us who is speaking. It does its work and stays out of the way. It lets the dialogue do the heavy lifting.”

As I noted, I’ve revised this manuscript—well, let’s just say I’ve revised it probably too many times. So, why did I still find this in Chapter 22?

“I know I’m married! You hardly need to remind me of that.” Jenny turned her back on her aunt. “I’m the one who’s lived with him and his infidelities. Susan and I are the ones he left behind for his hotties. We didn’t leave him.”

“Didn’t you, dear?” Sarah asked. “Didn’t you leave Chicago in the dead of night with your daughter—without leaving Jonas word—and show up in my living room? Or am I remembering someone else who lived with me for a month?”

Jenny could have screamed. How had things gone so terribly wrong, so quickly? She’d entered her aunt’s living room, been greeted warmly, and been offered a cold drink—which she now held in her hand, untouched. She’d babbled endlessly about Jonas, divorce, Al, the future—trying on new ideas and possibilities.

“But, but… I was just … You don’t understand,” Jenny stammered.

“I don’t? Well, let me recap. Eight years ago you and Jonas vowed before God and the world to love each other as man and wife. He broke those vows with another woman—”

“Twice—that I know of.”

“Twice, that you know of. Then nine months ago you left—”

Jenny tried to interrupt, but Sarah silenced her with a look that would brook no further interruptions.

“Nine months ago you left your husband and your life together, moved with your daughter to Oak Hill, and started life over as a waitress. Now you’re telling me your marriage is over, counseling won’t help, and you may even have a new love. Have I missed anything?”

“Well, yes. It seems you’ve conveniently missed Jonas’ ongoing, and I might add continuing, contribution to the dissolution of this marriage. Or don’t you remember that so well?”

“Of course I remember that, darling,” Sarah soothed. She reached out to touch Jenny’s shoulder. “But Jonas is not the one standing here before me making what I think is a terrible, unconsidered, mistake based on emotion.”

I’m not saying there’s nothing else weak here, but since we’re talking about attributions, did you notice the two or three less-than-perfect attributions I used?

In the second graf, the character is speaking a question that is properly punctuated with a question mark. That makes the “Sarah asked” attribution redundant. To fix, simply replace asked with the invisible said.

Then in the fourth graf, my character is stammering as her self-lies come unglued and then I felt the need to add “Jenny stammered” as an attribution. I did “show, don’t tell” but then I also told. To fix, simply remove the attribution.

Finally, in the last graf here, Jenny’s Aunt Sarah “soothes” her words. Of fer crying out loud, how can one even do that? Characters can’t sneeze words, or cough words, or anything like that. The fix is already in the graf: “Of course I remember that, darling.” Sarah reached out to touch Jenny’s shoulder. “But Jonas …”

No attribution is needed and the action beat conveys Sarah’s attitude.

The point? 

 I’ve heard many published writers say that after their book was published, they went through it again and found things that were wrong—despite their best efforts and the efforts of many competent levels of editors at the publishing house.

Revision is your friend.

Now that I’ve found these errors, I’ll fix them. Then, when I do turn in this manuscript, my editor will find three fewer errors—and he or she will think better of my skills as a writer.

It’s never too late to learn—or, if necessary, to relearn what you’ve already learned. The ability to learn is one of your best tools as a writer. As Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712 – 1778) once said, “However great a man’s natural talent may be, the act of writing cannot be learned all at once.”


Michael Ehret loves to play with words and as editor of the ACFW Journal, he is enjoying his playground. He also plays with words as a freelance editor at WritingOnTheFineLine.com, where he often takes a writer Into The Edit, pulling back the veil on the editing process. He has edited several nonfiction books, played with words as a corporate communicator, and reported for The Indianapolis Star.

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Does This Word Count Make My Book Look Big?

Your manuscript is big-boned. Over the years, it has picked up a few extra words here and there. But that shouldn’t be a problem. Publishers should just accept your manuscript as it is, right? All of those skinny manuscripts are airbrushed anyway.

Besides, Stephen King (not that you’re him) has written a bloated book or two—or three—and no one minds. Yegads, he even re-released an already huge popular book (The Stand) with hundreds of words his editors originally cut put back in—so there you red-penned devils! Snap!

Let’s get serious. Your book is likely overweight and if it doesn’t lower its word count it won’t be able to compete. Time to sign up for Word Watchers and get trim. Because, like Weight Watchers, Word Watchers works!

Word Watchers has developed four key principles that can help you self-edit that extra verbiage from your manuscript. These are borrowed from Weight Watchers directly, but adapted for writers.

Healthy word loss

Q. What’s healthy when it comes to word loss?

A. As trim as possible without sacrificing artistry or voice.

I think of it this way in my writing: If a word can be deleted, it gets deleted. Cut the fat. Scour your writing for throat clearing tactics such as:

• Introductory phrases: “The point I’m trying to make is...”
• Redundancies:
  1. “Josh estimated that they’d arrive in Minneapolis by roughly 4:00 p.m. in the afternoon.” (14 words)
  2. “Josh estimated they’d arrive in Minneapolis by 4:00 p.m.” (9 words)

• Wordiness:
  1. “Sarah knew that at her place of employment Jason was knee-deep in advance planning for the next year’s fundraising campaign.” (20 words)
  2. “Sarah knew her co-worker Jason was knee-deep in planning next year’s fundraiser.” (12 words)

Fits into your life

Second, any Word Watchers approach must be realistic, practical, and livable. That means realistic goals. You are not likely to become Ernest Hemingway (renown for being succinct) straight out of the gate. But you can set goals that will help you. Here are a few simple tricks:

• That/Very: In almost every case, these words can be eliminated.
• Adverbs: Scorn them. “Adverbs are the tool of the lazy writer.” — Mark Twain For more on this.
• $$$: Pretend you are being charged a quarter for each word. If you take it seriously, you’ll start competing with yourself to pay less each time you write.

Informed choices

At Word Watchers, writers learn not only what to do, but why. If you know why, you gain the confidence to make the right choices for your writing. Here are some of the websites I often cite:

1. Grammar Girl: Quick and Dirty Tips
2. Purdue University Online Writing Lab
3. Writer’s Digest Online

I highly recommend American Christian Fiction Writers as a place to get grounded not only in the craft of writing, but in the career of writing as well.

A holistic view

Finally, the Word Watchers approach must be comprehensive. Sustained word loss comes from practicing these and other tips.

One of the best ways to practice tight writing is in a writer’s critique group. A proper critique group will, kindly and in love, kick your writing butt until you’re in shape. They’ll remind you of what you’ve learned (and of how often you’ve had to learn it). They will hold you down and sit on you until you’ve eliminated every extra word—and will expect you to do the same to them. With chocolate.

Michael Ehret loves to play with words and as editor of the ACFW Journal, he is enjoying his playground. He also plays with words as a freelance editor/writer at WritingOnTheFineLine.com, where each Tuesday he takes a writer Into The Edit, pulling back the veil on the editing process. He has edited several nonfiction books, played with words as a corporate communicator, and reported for The Indianapolis Star.

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Author Interview ~ Jim Hamlett

Born in the heart of North Carolina, reared in Virginia’s Tidewater, and now settled in the upstate of South Carolina, Jim Hamlett is every bit the born and bred southerner. He lives with his wife of thirty-five years in a house he built himself. They’re tucked in a quiet corner at the foot of a mountain. He has two grown children and three grandchildren.

Jim is a professional pilot, and for three decades has flown throughout the continental U.S., Canada, and the Caribbean. He manages and crews three aircraft. Before his flying career, he spent ten years in theatrical work. He wrote, produced, directed, acted, and did a lot of grunt work in a variety of productions: simple music/speech presentations around a theme, a lot of Shakespeare, and even Grand Opera (he did not sing).

Jim’s debut novel, Moe, was one of five finalists in the Christian Writers Guild contest, Operation First Novel. He is currently writing the sequel and has several other projects in development.

Tell us a bit about your journey. What avenues did you pursue before self-publishing?




My whole journey began as an answer to prayer, which is a story in itself. The answer to that prayer led to my first writers conference. I’ve attended six others since, and highly recommend them. They’re good learning experiences and the best path to getting an audience with an agent or editor.


In addition to conferences, I’ve had a friend (a conference contact) open a door for me to present my manuscript to an acquisitions editor outside the normal path. That editor, who encouraged me to continue, said he couldn’t sell a novel to his committee that didn’t have a female protagonist. That left me scratching my head.


Six years of conferences, which are not cheap to attend, netted several contacts and a few serious inquiries about Moe. But in the end, agents and editors said it wasn’t a “fit” for them, whatever that meant. This led me to question a few things. Was something wrong with my craft? Was the story faulty?


As a test, I printed twenty copies via an online POD printer. (This is cheaper than getting copies at Staples, Office Depot, etc. Just make sure you check the “not for sale” box at the POD website.) I distributed them to a bevy of readers I trusted to be honest with me. Along with the book, I gave them a questionnaire. The readers varied from stay-at-home moms to professional businessmen to a retired English professor who used to write for the Miami Herald.


The response was overwhelmingly positive. I took the information from the questionnaires, reworked the manuscript for a final time, and hired an editor—another PhD in English who’d edited before at a publishing house.


Then I faced the dreaded decision. Should I continue to seek a publisher, or take the bull by the horns myself? I’d reached a high level of frustration with the traditional publishing world. And since I intended to form Graceful Word at some point anyway, the decision wasn’t hard to make. After a season of serious prayer, I entered the publishing rodeo, where the prizes are small and the opportunity for injury great.

Graceful Word? What exactly is that? Are you an indie publisher now?


I’m glad you asked! Graceful Word is not a publisher, per se. It is intended to be a fellowship of writers—who happen to have their own publishing arm by the same name. It’s similar in concept to what Charlie Chaplin, Mary Pickford, Douglas Fairbanks, and D.W. Griffith did when they formed United Artists in 1919. They were tired of what the major studios were doing with film and wanted to have greater control over their craft.


But Graceful Word does not have the funding and name recognition to make our start as successful as United Artists. At present, Graceful Word is a fellowship of one: yours truly, who has limited funds and is a nobody. I’m under no delusion that this will be easy. As we say in the South, it will be a tough row to hoe. But with God, all things are possible.


As soon as I can get established, I’ll be in the hunt for the next writer. I’d like to have a minimum of three, but never more than seven. Ideally, I’d like for us to live in close proximity, but with today’s technology, it’s not necessary. Our main focus will be fiction, but there’s room for non-fiction, and perhaps poetry, if we can find a good poet.


At some point in the future, I’d like Graceful Word to reach out to other cultures, build and equip libraries for our brothers and sisters in places where access to good books is difficult. Plus I’d like to find writing talent in those places, cultivate them, and help them reach their own people with the gospel through stories.


There’s a lot more to say, but that’s a different interview.




A ministry platform almost guarantees self-publishing success with non-fiction, but with the exception of some runaway successes, it is rare for a novel to take off. Why did you take that risk?


I believe in story as a great avenue for teaching. Jesus used it. And I firmly believe in this story. Moe is everyman. Though the main characters are men, the story is equally true for women. We cannot survive this life without at least one true-blue friend to help us up when the inevitable trials of life put us down. “Two are better than one….”


Moe is the first in a series of books that will be similar in nature to Jan Karon’s Mitford series. Readers who enjoyed those books will like Moe and the adventures of the Blue Ridge Fellowship church. The stories are about real people in a real world with real problems—and how they can find a real answer.




What would you do again? What would you avoid? What does successful novel self-publishing look like? And what might guarantee a closet full of unsold books for an ill-prepared novelist seeking to publish his or her story?




I would repeat my attendance at the conferences. They have a wonderful way of removing the rose-colored glasses so many of us have in the beginning. And they provide a solid foundation for understanding how the publishing industry works.


I would avoid most of the self-publishing routes that are offered, unless you’ve written a book intended primarily for family and friends. I used a POD printer only to print my test copies. None of the POD outfits I researched could produce a book whose unit cost led to a reasonable retail price using the standard formula (unit cost x 7 = retail price). Do the math before you sign up and remember that they will make money before you do.




So what does successful self-publishing look like for fiction? 

If you’re going to produce a hard copy, then I think you have to closely follow the traditional model: get a sound manuscript that’s professionally edited, find someone who can design a cover for you, contract with a printer who can produce a quality product with the lowest cost per unit, get the product in a distribution network, and then market like mad.


I haven’t yet reached what I’d call the “success” level. But I can suggest a couple of ways to avoid a closet full of unsold books. First, don’t write a poor book. But if you’ve thoroughly tested your book and are convinced it’s well-written and relevant, then don’t give up on it. Unless the Lord shuts the doors, I have no intention of giving up on Moe or on Graceful Word.




Publishing has changed radically over the years. But one thing remains consistent...self-publishing still carries a bit of a stigma for the serious novelist. Convince us why this attitude needs to change with the climate...


Publishing is undergoing seismic shifts in its crust. There’s no better time for writers to connect with an audience outside the traditional publishing model. And though the stigma of being self-published is alive and well, it is waning. Ask Amanda Hocking, J. A. Konrath, and John Locke, just to name three that have gotten a lot of press, if the stigma bothers them.


What they’ve demonstrated is this: publishing is a business. If you can make a lot of money “doing your own thing,” then no one will care if you’re self-published. Not even the traditional publishers. They’ve signed Hocking and Locke to contracts. And that didn’t happen because of the quality of their writing, an arresting elevator speech, or a captivating one-sheet. The publishers saw the audience and smelled the money. The decision had little to do with craft.


For those who love the “take away,” here it is: make a ton of money selling your book (poorly written or not), and you can put a torch to the stigma of being self-published.




Marketing challenges you've run into and how you've handled them: How difficult is it to find reviewers for a self-published novel? The out of pocket cost ARC copies for reviewers? Any creative ideas to handle either of those challenges?




Finding reviewers for self-published books is easier now. If you want a review from one of the big names like Publishers Weekly or Kirkus, you can pay for it. At PW, there’s no guarantee that you’ll be reviewed, but the fee ($149) will get you listed in their quarterly catalog of self-published works, PW Select. They pick about 25 titles to review with each edition. At Kirkus, they will do a standard review (about 300 words) for $475, or $575 for express service. And, as with any of their reviews, there’s no guarantee it will be a good one.


I haven’t done either because of what I’ve read from other sources. Self-publishing is booming. It’s a four billion dollar a year industry. Both these companies see a revenue stream they’d like to tap. No one can blame them. Whether the value is worth the cost is still a question. Having said all that, I’m considering both now.


I haven’t pursued a lot of online reviews, but I’m going after them now.


Ideas for finding an audience?


My kingdom for the keys to Jan Karon’s audience. If I could get in front of them, I think the sales of Moe would increase significantly. I suppose there’s a marketing firm out there who could provide a list for a hefty sum. If they dangled the list in front of me, I might be tempted to mortgage the house.




Ideas for self-promoting?


I hate promoting myself. It’s one of the hurdles I’ve had to get over. I’ve owned the domain jimhamlett.com for a long time because I was told I should. But I’ve refused to launch a website where I’m the center. However, the counsel of others has changed my mind. I hope to have the site active soon. That’s where I’ll showcase most of my writing—blog posts, short stories, non-fiction articles about flying, and (take a deep breath) a few poems. The site will share a link to Graceful Word.


With respect to promoting Moe, I haven’t done anything out of the ordinary. I always have a copy or two of the book with me. I’ve sold several out of the back of my computer bag, and I’ve given away a lot, too. I pass out business cards like candy. I have no idea how effective that’s been, but it’s cheap advertising.


I’ve been interviewed by one of our local TV stations, but most of the media outlets are difficult to penetrate if you’re self-published. I’ve tried to get copies of the book in front of some decision makers, but they’re all busy. It’s tough.




Ideas for creative marketing?


As a pilot, I thought of sky writing and banner towing. Creative, but both are pricey, and the novelty is soon gone.


I plan to do more at Goodreads, and as soon as Bookshout launches, I’ll tap into that. (If you don’t know about Bookshout, check it out.)


Recently, I met with a sales organization that is going to share a list of significant Christian bookstores throughout the country. I plan to send a flyer, a sales letter, and a copy of the book to all the stores on that list. That’s not what I’d call creative, but I’m convinced that if I can get folks to read the book, the interest will grow.




What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned from self-publishing?


This is hard work (capitalize that, bold, italicize, underline, and exclamate it). There is no letting up. And while there’s plenty of folks who will encourage you and cheer you on, very few will step up and offer to help. For the most part, you’re on your own.




The greatest blessing?


That’s easy: the reactions of those who’ve actually read the book. While there’s been a couple who’ve shrugged, the overwhelming majority have been very generous in their praise. You can read some of them at the website.


Also, being one of the five finalists in the Christian Writers Guild contest (Operation First Novel) has been a huge blessing. It not only gave credence to my self-published book, but introduced me to four other writers with whom I’ve developed a wonderful friendship. Peter Leavell won the contest, and you should be looking for his debut novel from Worthy Publishing. Terrie Todd, Clarice James, and Kimberley Graham are still pursuing the dream. Keep an eye on them. They’ll make it.


And I’ve had a couple of other unexpected blessings. Cec Murphey wrote a kind review at Amazon. Jamie Langston Turner, whom I’ve known for a long time, doesn’t do reviews, but she sent a wonderful email to me. It’s that kind of encouragement that fuels perseverance.




Finally, what has been the hardest part of the self-publishing journey for you?


Without question, it’s been finding the time to do everything. I have this thing called a job—a very full-time, highly unpredictable enterprise of managing and crewing three aircraft. Something is always going on that requires attention (especially when flying).


And I have a wife—a very accommodating person who probably wonders from time to time who the man is that’s wandering around her house. Thankfully, she has pictures to remind her. And she’s always grateful when I fix things.


If I could figure out how to survive without sleeping, eating, or going to the bathroom, I think I could get it all done. Maybe.


But I’m committed to seeing it through, not only because I believe in what I’m doing, but I’m convinced I have the Lord’s blessing to pursue this. And whenever a reader takes time to send a note saying how much they enjoyed the story, I’m rejuvenated.


Hang the naysayers, and stay tuned.

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Self-Publishing Versus Traditional Publishing

Now that direct on-line sales, eBooks, and publishing on demand have opened up new distribution channels for self-publishing, many aspiring authors are wondering if it’s still worth the effort to pursue publishing in the traditional way or if they should go with self-publishing. There’s a lot to consider in making that decision.

Traditional publishing used to offer a very attractive package to authors: a cash advance, professional editing, professional cover design, professional marketing, sales via longstanding relationships with bookstore chain buyers, distribution (warehousing, order fulfillment and management of returns), and accounting, plus royalties should the author’s share of sales exceed the advance. Plus publishers offered the full acceptance of the business risk. If the book didn’t sell, the author still kept the advance. Only the publisher stood to actually lose money.

Note however that I wrote “traditional publishing used to offer a lot . . .” at the top of that last paragraph. That’s because almost everything about the package has changed.

Due to the economic pressures of a major recession plus intense competition from the above mentioned new distribution channels, traditional publishers have been forced to adopt drastic measures. Advances are shrinking. Editing has been outsourced to freelancers. Cover design and marketing have also been outsourced. Longstanding relationships with bookstore chain buyers account for a much smaller percentage of total sales and distribution is much less important because these things are now handled via the Internet in one way or another.

In short: much of what traditional publishers once offered to authors either no longer matters, or else it’s now available to authors directly at identical levels of professionalism and effectiveness.

Take editing for example. The one thing a self-published writer must not do is bypass the editorial process. Input from friends, family, and other authors is sometimes helpful, but without the complete services of professional and experienced fiction editors, virtually no manuscript is fit to print (including mine).

Until just a couple of years ago, almost all the best editors were salaried employees at publishing houses, so it was nearly impossible to deliver a top quality novel to the reading public without getting on board with a publisher. No longer. Most major publishing houses have laid off the majority of their editorial staffs, and those editors have been forced to go into business for themselves. Now authors can shop for editorial assistance directly from a huge pool of highly experienced and professional freelance editors.

One can even make the case that better editing is now available via self-publishing, if the author is willing to pay for it. Traditionally, novels have passed through at least three levels of editing at a publishing house: developmental or conceptual editing, line editing, and copy-editing. All three levels existed for different reasons, and all three are absolutely essential. But in yet another effort to cut costs, many traditional publishers are now omitting at least one of those levels. The author can complain, but the final decision is the publisher’s. In comparison to that, self-publishing with freelance editors may actually produce a better novel.

Almost exactly the same situation exists for cover design and publicity. In the olden days (say, four or five years ago) publishers handled almost all the design and public relations for a novel. Marketing staffs at major houses were as large as editorial staffs. Nowadays however, most marketing is outsourced, often to the same people who once worked in-house. And authors are free to hire those same cover designers and publicity specialist directly.

What’s more, most traditional publishers now require authors to shoulder a major portion of the promotional burden. We are told we must have a “platform.” We must produce and manage our own a website, and a blog, and actively promote our own work in the social media, and we should get out there and set up our own book signings. In many cases, the publisher’s in-house involvement with promotion has been reduced to hiring an outside PR firm and giving them their marching orders. Period. Everything else depends on the freelance PR firm and the author herself, which is exactly the situation faced by self-published authors.

As for sales and distribution, once upon a time every traditional publisher relied on a jealously guarded Rolodex full on longstanding relationships with bookstore buyers. Now however, those relationships are becoming less important every day.

Did you notice the news about Borders bookstores? They’re closed. A few regional bookstore chains remain, especially in the Christian market, but Barnes & Nobel is now the only truly national bricks and mortar bookstore outlet for hard copy sales. And the main reason Barnes & Noble has survived is their own shift to direct Internet and eBook sales as a competitor with Amazon. In other words, authors now have direct access to Barnes & Noble, just like the major houses.

(There is one last major opportunity for bricks and mortar sales which most authors can’t access directly: the so-called “big box” retailers like WalMart and Target. Shelf space is so limited there that only A-list authors make it in, and most of them still write for traditional houses . . . for now.)

What all of this means for the aspiring author is pretty simple: there are only two reasons left to pursue traditional publishing.

First, there is your ego. It feels great for a little while to be able to tell your friends you sold your novel to a major house. It really does. For a little while.

And second, there is the advance and the payments to the freelance editors and cover designer and a PR firm. The essential three full rounds of editing and a good cover (even for an eBook) and a serious publicity campaign can easily run $6,000-$7,000 or more, so an author who wants to take a stab at self-publishing a quality novel should be ready for that kind of up-front investment. Many of us can’t afford to spend that much money on a book that might only sell a thousand copies, which is where traditional publishing can help.

They’ll accept that risk by covering those costs, plus give you an advance, in return for at least 75% of your electronic sales, and 85% of your hard copy sales. You’ll probably get even less if you don’t have an agent, but then if you do have an agent he'll take 15%. And remember: many houses are cutting back on the editing they’ll pay for, so if you want to be certain your novel will get all three levels of editing it requires, write that into the contract.

If you have the money to invest, and if you have the discipline to actually invest it with good editors and then do what they tell you, and if you don’t care about a famous imprint on the spine of your novel, you might want to seriously consider hiring your own team of editors, a designer, and a publicity professional. You’ll have to do the extra work of managing the business aspects of those relationships, plus setting up your own distribution channels via Barnes & Noble and Amazon and so forth, but all else being equal, you stand to make more money in return for the extra work and risk.

Athol Dickson is a novelist, teacher, and publisher of the DailyCristo website. His novels transcend description with a literary style that blends magical realism, suspense, and a strong sense of spirituality. Critics have favorably compared his work to such diverse authors as Octavia Butler (Publisher's Weekly) and Flannery O'Connor (The New York Times). One of his novels is an Audie Award winner and three have won Christy Awards including his most recent novel, Lost Mission. His next story, The Opposite Of Art, is about pride, passion, and death as a spiritual pursuit. Look for it in September, 2011. Athol lives with his wife in southern California.

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Guest Blogger ~ Anita Higman

Award-winning author, Anita Higman, has twenty-six books published for adults and children. Her latest book is Love Finds You Under the Mistletoe (Summerside Press) and is a 2-in-1 novella collection with coauthor, Irene Brand. As a special promotion to accompany the book Anita and Irene created a free Christmas gift book (in e-book form) to view, download, or email to a friend. It’s full of family traditions, memories, recipes, and cozy Christmas thoughts. Please feel free to check out their new book, Love Finds You Under the Mistletoe, view the book trailer, and receive their free Christmas gift book on Anita's website.

Robert Louis Stevenson said, “There is but one art, to omit.”

He obviously appreciated the power of editing. I call it power, because editing has the ability to transform a rough draft into something remarkable. Something salable. After I complete a rough draft I go over it quite a few times, checking for problems, large and small. Here are just a few of my editing checks. You’re welcome to add these to your own personal list.

1. Did I sprinkle in backstory like a fine spice or dump in the whole jar at the beginning?

2. Do my characters have quirks and ticks like real people?

3. If I repeated words are they beautifully rhythmic or just annoyingly repetitious?

4. Is it clear who’s talking, or will readers need to stop to figure it out?

5. If I altered anything midway—character’s hair color, season of the year, etc, did I make those changes all the way through the manuscript?

6. Did I check each “was” and “were” as well as other scrawny verbs? Do any of them need to be removed from the herd?

7. Is the word “that” used so much that readers will become so weary of that that they’ll want to use my novel pages for kindling?

8. Have I included literary devices such as sensory details, foreshadowing, irony, metaphors, and similes to give my story depth and delight?

9. Did I dip so randomly and deeply into the barrel of limp and lifeless adverbs and adjectives that my prose came out with a sickly purple hue?

10. Are the elements of action, description, and dialogue balanced in my story?

11. Is my point of view consistent, or did I slip into head-hopping?

12. Is the setting clear in each scene?

13. Are my characters memorable and believable, or are they one-dimensional and uninspiring? Even with their flaws are my heroine and hero relatable and likable? Do I want to cheer them on?

14. Will readers easily know the year, the season, and the time of day?

15. Does my timeline have inconsistencies?

16. Did I vary the length of sentences in my paragraphs so they’re eye-appealing and easy to read?

17. How is my pacing? Is there a good rhythm to my storytelling? Are there passages I need to slow down or speed up for effect?

18. Do I have too many summary paragraphs? Do some need revision so I’m showing and not telling?

19. Does my work have the fine brush strokes of subtext dialogue?

20. If I’ve written in first person does it look like there was an “I” explosion all over the manuscript?

21. If the professions and hobbies of the main characters are important to the story will the readers get a good look into this part of their lives? Was this material presented in a way that is organic to the story, and did I check the information for accuracy?

22. Is my dialogue mind-numbingly boring or realistic and fresh?

23. Have I read the work out loud, or at least did I have my computer read it to me? By the way, the woman who reads to me on my computer is named Crystal. Even though she is a little robotic sounding, I know when I listen to the words I will “hear” errors that I won’t “see.” Give it a try. It really works.

I hope this mini version of my editing checklist is helpful in all your novel-polishing endeavors!

Under the Mistletoe

Two Christmas stories - one historical, one contemporary - under one cover.

Love Finds You under the Mistletoe: An Appalachian Christmas

A promise to her dying sister compels Julia Mayfield to take her young nephew to Mistletoe, Kentucky, a tiny town tucked away in the Appalachian Mountains. Sparks fly when she meets David Armstrong, a World War II veteran like herself. Even as shadows from the past weave a dangerous web around Julia and David, will their love flourish like the mistletoe that blankets the nearby hills?

Love Finds You under the Mistletoe: Once Upon a Christmas Eve

Hollie Goodnight's store has just been voted best Christmas shop in America. All the new publicity draws flamboyant novelist Van Keaton to the cozy town of Noel, Missouri, demanding to write Hollie's story - a dramatic tale of misfortune and triumph. She is swept up in his world of beautiful words and fanciful interludes ... until Owen Quigly, her lifelong best friend, launches a plan to win her back.

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