No particularly interesting news for you today but for fun we thought we'd try a top ten list. We'll need your help. (This is meant to be tongue in cheek so please no angry emails. It's a JOKE.)
Top Ten Things you can get away with once you're a NYT best-seller.
10. Call your agent just to ask if he thinks you should get blonde highlights or red.
9. Sign other author's books with your name.
There, I got us started. Anyone have a good one?
I'll post the list next Saturday if we complete it.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Top Ten
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how about:
ReplyDelete8. Keep using the same photo on the back cover that was taken when you still had hair.
Write a book in second person future tense in a stream-of-consciousness style from the POV of an asparagus, and if anyone mocks it, say, "You just don't understand art."
ReplyDeleteHah!
ReplyDeleteI would no longer feel like I have to catch all my spelling and grammar mistakes before it goes to an editor, afraid that she’s going to find out I’m an imposter and not really worthy of publishing.
ReplyDeleteHire a stand-in to play YOU at book signings.
ReplyDeleteMaking a crappy movie from your crappy book.
ReplyDelete...I dunno...I guess I just don't have the Code!
Get my own action figure.
ReplyDeleteOr
Do a cameo appearance in the crappy movie made from my crappy book.
LOL! This is fun. How about one of these.
ReplyDelete•Getting interviewed in the buff.
•Tell your editor that the book you wrote was actually writen by your 10 year old, then listen to him have a heart attack.
•Jump all over Oprah Winfrey's couch. (Look out Tom Cruise!)
•Go on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart and tell him the guy who comes on after him needs medical attention. (Poor Stephen Colbert...)
•Tell your publicist that you just turned down Oprah Winfrey and listen to her have a meltdown.
•Go on a book tour but tell your fans you won't sign your books unless they bring you chocolate.
•Let your 10 year old write the sequel and REALLY listen to your editor have a heart attack.
Ok, I'm dry now. Have fun!
Okay, you know what's funny? I actually did ask my agent about getting a nose stud and I think I shocked her. (She basically said, "Um, no. Not if you want to be in a CBA bookstore.") Good thing I didn't mention I wanted to dye a pink streak in my hair.
ReplyDeleteCamy
Once you're on the NYT list, you can ask...er...demand that your next advance be quadruple what your last one was. And you'll probably get it. At least that's what the keynoter said at Southern Lights Conference where I recently taught a workshop. She now gets $800,000, she said! That would be kinda' nice. Haha.
ReplyDelete