Such a Fraud

by Marcia Lee Laycock @MarciaLaycock

Dealing with the Impostor Syndrome

Neil Gaiman once attended a gathering of some very important people. “I felt that at any moment they would realize that I didn’t qualify to be there,” he said. Later he chatted with another Neil who felt the same. “They’ve made amazing things,” he said. “I just went where I was sent. Mr. Gaiman replied, “Yes, but you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.”

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Of Fish and Crushed Dreams

by Marcia Lee Laycock

Writers are dreamers. We dream of accolades and awards, of lives changed, perhaps even saved. Sometimes it feels like our dreams are close to coming true. But sometimes our dreams are crushed. Our career looks like nothing but a pile of pointless efforts. Sometimes all the sacrifices seem to have been for nothing and we come close to giving up on all the dreams.

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Finding The Voice

by Marcia Lee Laycock

The voice coming out of the recorder did not sound like me. I wrinkled my nose. I wasn’t sure I liked the sound of it. But the interviewer laughed. “Everyone I interview says the same thing. Keep in mind, this is an electronic version of your voice. It’s not the real thing.”

That got me thinking. What is the “real thing” in terms of my “voice” as a writer? Everyone tells us we have to have one, and that it must be strong and distinctive. But how do you know if you even have one? It’s one of those rather illusive things that is difficult to describe and it’s almost impossible to teach someone how to find it.

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Let the Gorillas Come

by Marcia Lee Laycock

It’s somewhere in Africa. A young woman sits cross-legged on the ground, surrounded by tall grass. She has been told to sit very still. She can hear snuffling noises and now and then a grunt. When the massive head of a gorilla pokes out between the grasses, she is tempted to leap up and run. But she sits quietly. The gorilla approaches, moves around her, touches her hair, sniffs her shoulder. She remembers the instructions she was given: “No sudden movements. Keep your eyes on the ground.” 

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When Writing is Like Riding a Horse

by Marcia Lee Laycock

I’ve always been horse crazy. It took many years of begging before my mother let me learn how to ride a horse and many more after that before I owned one. I remember the day I woke up and looked out my bedroom window and saw Cheyenne grazing in the field. I almost pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.

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A Pruning Process

by Marcia Lee Laycock

I’ve had a geranium plant for several years. Every spring I put it outside and it flourishes. Every fall I bring it inside and it goes a bit dormant, but still manages to flower now and then, though some of the leaves shrivel and go yellow, then brown. Almost every time I water it through the winter I trim off the dead leaves, dropping them into the large pot that holds the plant. They crumble and eventually become nourishment for that old geranium.

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I Am Not A Writer

By Marcia Lee Laycock @MarciaLaycock

For many years, indeed, for as long as I can remember, my identity has been totally and inextricably bound up in being a writer. It’s not just what I am, I told myself, it’s who I am. Sadly, over the years, that perception led me to a place that was filled with stress and burden. In fact, it became like a prison in a way, a prison of my own making.

Today I am declaring that no, indeed, I am not a writer. Every time those words enter my consciousness I feel the chains fall away. I don’t have to produce. I don’t have to publish. I don’t have to succeed. It is not who I am.

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Dealing with the Impostor Syndrome

by Marcia Lee Laycock @MarciaLaycock

A friend once emailed me to ask for prayer. “I’m having a huge case of Imposter Syndrome,” she explained. She had been asked to lead a workshop at a writers’ conference but was on the edge of backing out. Though she was an accomplished writer with a long CV, she felt inadequate for the job.

Another writer friend once said: “I keep getting the feeling that someday someone will discover what a fraud I am and the jig will be up!”

Sound familiar? 

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Going Too Far

by Marcia Lee Laycock

I hit send and sighed. This first draft of the first act of my new play didn’t come easily and I wasn’t happy with what I’d produced. I knew there was something wrong but couldn’t put my finger on what it was that left me wanting to drag the document into the trash. I thought about doing just that for the next few days as I watched my inbox with trepidation, believing my instructor’s comments would not make me happy. When her critique arrived I sighed again and hit open.

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Beauty in the Darkness

by Marcia Lee Laycock

Winter has landed here, its cold hard boot slamming down on the country and its inhabitants with the force of a sledge hammer. We had been lulled into thinking it wouldn’t hit so hard this year. We’d only had a skiff of snow and a few days of chill, but nothing to be concerned about. So this icy blast is a bit of a jolt to us all. How quickly we forget the true face of winter, it’s harsh landscapes and bitter winds.

As I peer out my front window I shiver and pull my sweater tighter around me. The sun is just setting, the darkness dropping quickly behind the homes on the other side of the pond. It has caught a skater unaware. She continues to glide and weave across the small space as the light fades. And then it happens. Just for a moment the horizon glows, the light shimmers on the ice, the skater is thrown into a silhouette of fluid movement. And the beauty of it takes my breath away.

I am reminded that beauty is always there, just waiting to reveal itself, waiting to slip out of the darkness. I am blessed that I was there, in that moment, to see it, to be struck by it and to give thanks for it. It makes me realize that a big part of being a believer in Christ and a writer of faith, involves watching, waiting for the beauty. It is ours to bring these moments to light, to make them known to the world. We are the observers, the recorders, the ones who point and say, “Oh, look! Look!”

There is a great need for us to show the way to beauty in the world today, in the face of the images of wreck and ruin we constantly see in the media. There is no greater need for it than now. There is no greater need than for the world to know that beauty exists, that Christ was born to bring it back to us, to elevate it to the holy place where it was intended to be, because all beauty comes from the Father above.

Interesting, isn’t it, that the place of Jesus’ birth was likely not considered beautiful? It was a common, homely place. Some would even have said insignificant. But then there were those moments – the moment when that brightest of stars stopped over the spot where the Christ child lay, the moment when the angels revealed themselves in the skies near Bethlehem, the moment when their voices peeled out with the good news of His birth, the moment when kings bowed down and presented him with gold, frankincense and myrrh.

As we head into this new year let us all be watchful, waiting for those moments when The Christ is revealed through the beauty of this world. Let us all receive the blessing of those moments and then shout, “Oh, look! Look!”

"Go now, write on a tablet for them, inscribe it on a scroll, that for the days to come it may be an everlasting witness" (Isaiah 30:8).

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Marcia Lee Laycock writes from central Alberta Canada where she is a pastor's wife and mother of three adult daughters. She was the winner of The Best New Canadian Christian Author Award for her novel, One Smooth Stone. The sequel, A Tumbled Stone was also short listed for a Word Award. Marcia has three novels for middle grade readers and four devotional books in print and has contributed to several anthologies. Her work has been endorsed by Sigmund Brouwer, Janette Oke, Phil Callaway and Mark Buchanan. 

Abundant Rain, an ebook devotional for writers can be downloaded on Smashwords or on Amazon. It is also now available in Journal format on Amazon. 

Her most recent release is Celebrate This Day, a devotional book for special occasions like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving. 

Visit Marcia’s Website

Sign up to receive her devotional column, The Spur

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God's Best Plan: Stop Writing

By Marcia Lee Laycock

“Why don’t you ever have time for me?”

My heart stopped and I turned to my nine-year old daughter as she burst into tears. I gathered her in my arms and we talked. She had needed me when she came home from school that day, but I was glued to the computer screen, and had only given her a vague “uhuh” when she started to tell me what was on her heart.

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Taking Correction

by Marcia Lee Laycock

Correction. It's never easy, especially when we think we've got it all right. Those words we have slaved over; those characters we built from scratch; those brilliant plot twists we implanted at just the right place. How could they need correction? In our eyes, they’re perfect. But then fresh eyes find the typos. A keen sense of rhythm finds the awkward sentence structure. And even those brilliant plot twists are found wanting.

That's when we must take a deep breath, read our work again and acknowledge that the one with the blue pencil in her hand is experienced and astute. Another deep breath and we make the changes. Then a smile. The work is more precise, cleaner and does express more effectively what we intended it to express. The correction was needed.

This doesn't only happen in our writing life. Our spiritual life needs the same attention. Oh yes, we sometimes think we’ve got it all right. But then something happens and we discover there are things lurking that ought not be there. We find ourselves thinking thoughts that ought not have come to mind. We act in a manner not becoming and realize there might be a streak or two of arrogance and pride buried deep under our self-righteousness.

The Lord has a way of bringing these things to our attention and often it’s not a pleasant process. That’s when we need to take a deep breath, acknowledge our sin and take steps to act on God’s correction. In the end, like our writing, we will smile as we find our lives are the better for it. We see more clearly, and God’s presence is able to shine more brightly in and around us.

Even those chosen by the Lord to be his first disciples had to humble themselves before Him. None of them were perfect, all needed correction from time to time. Often the process was painful – see Luke 22:24-26 where Jesus rebukes the disciples for jockeying for position in the kingdom, or Luke 22:61-62 where Peter weeps bitterly after denying he ever knew Jesus. But always, after the rebuke, comes the forgiveness and the love. Though the disciples disappointed Jesus time and again He blessed them and made them into powerful men of God. None of us is exempt from the process because none of us is perfect. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23 Correction is not only necessary to make our work and our lives better, it is necessary so that we will become the people God intends us to be, able to do His work and His will, able to stand before Him one day as he says, “Well done good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21). 

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Marcia Lee Laycock writes from central Alberta Canada where she is a pastor's wife and mother of three adult daughters. She was the winner of The Best New Canadian Christian Author Award for her novel, One Smooth Stone. The sequel, A Tumbled Stone was short listed in The Word Awards. Marcia also has four devotional books in print and has contributed to several anthologies. Her work has been endorsed by Sigmund Brouwer, Janette Oke, Phil Callaway and Mark Buchanan. 

Abundant Rain, an ebook devotional for writers can be downloaded on Smashwords or on Amazon. It is also now available in Journal format on Amazon. 

Her most recent release is Celebrate This Day, a devotional book for special occasions like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving. 

Visit Marcia’s Website

Sign up to receive her devotional column, The Spur

Read More

Dark Trees

Dark Trees

by Marcia Lee Laycock

Dark trees. There seems to be a trend, at least in my community, to line the streets with them. I don’t like them. When I drive down a street where a string of these trees have been planted, I turn away. They seem unnatural to me. They remind me of horror movies in which innocent young women are running through tangled woods trying to evade a crazed murderer.

But yesterday, as I glanced out my window at the tree in my neighbour’s yard (yes, it’s a dark one), I was so attracted to it I stood up and walked to the window. The slant of light striking the tree made its dark red leaves glow with a crimson hue. It was beautiful and I stood there transfixed.

As that dark tree turned into something glorious I thought of God’s work in our lives. He is in the business of transformation. He transformed me from a bitter angry person into one who is growing in the understanding of the words joy and peace, grace and forgiveness. (If you’d like to read that story go here). And the red colour of the leaves had a new significance too, in that light, as I thought of the blood of my Saviour, poured out that I might have new life.

As I watched that tree begin to glow and pondered, I considered Ted Dekker’s words, that all good fiction is transformational. Dekker stresses that “you must long for a new way of being in the world to write good story.” Those words resonated with me because lately I’ve been feeling that God is wanting me to go deeper, to seek Him more. Mr. Dekker believes that is the first step to writing transformational fiction and I agree.

Jesus did indeed teach us a “new way of being in the world.” He turned His culture upside down in many ways, turning the people back to the core truths of the scriptures they thought they knew and putting their feet on a straight path that led to His Father. Some responded and were transformed: fishermen became leaders, cowards became brave, unlearned men became teachers, downtrodden women were raised up.

There will always be dark trees in our world, things that make us shiver. The good news is that even those things can be transformed by our God. There will always be dark trees in our own lives, things that could prevent us from moving forward in Christ. The good news is that He has given us the ability to overcome those dark things in our own lives and move closer to Him. For, as the apostle John has said, “You dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world” (1 John 4:4).

And He has given us the ability to write transformational story, in all its forms. May we be faithful to that purpose. 
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Marcia Lee Laycock writes from central Alberta Canada where she is a pastor's wife and mother of three adult daughters. She was the winner of The Best New Canadian Christian Author Award for her novel, One Smooth Stone. The sequel, A Tumbled Stone was short listed in The Word Awards. Marcia also has four devotional books in print and has contributed to several anthologies. Her work has been endorsed by Sigmund Brouwer, Janette Oke, Phil Callaway and Mark Buchanan.

Abundant Rain, an ebook devotional for writers can be downloaded on Smashwords or on Amazon. It is also now available in Journal format on Amazon. 

Her most recent release is Celebrate This Day, a devotional book for special occasions like Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Thanksgiving. 

Visit Marcia’s Website

Sign up to receive her devotional column, The Spur

Read More