Writers Digest's Humor Columist - Kevin Alexander ~ Interviewed.

Kevin Alexander is the this Writer's Life columnist for Writer's Digest, a frequent contributor to Boston Magazine and currently finishing his MFA in creative writing at Emerson College. In his spare time, Kevin enjoys watching people work out and text messaging.

For starters, Kevin, let's cut to the chase…did you have to kill someone, sleep with someone, or extract sensitive and damaging, delicate details that should not be made public to land your gig at Writers Digest? Or did you go the traditional boring route i.e. hard work and perseverance? Do share highlights of your story…

Well, Kelly, I'll tell you: as I imagine every young "go-getter" in the writing industry could attest, i've certainly had to kill and sleep with my share of people to try and get ahead, but unfortunately, my gig at Writer's Digest wasn't one of those (many, many) occasions.

The quick boring answer is this: about three years ago, while in journalism school, I produced a satire on how to write a literary masterpiece for my grad school magazine. Naturally, I assumed that said satire was aesthetically and intellectually perfect/hysterical and so I sent it out to all eleven writing magazines found in Writer's Market.

Ten of these magazines rejected me, some of them very quickly and personally, including one very, very small mag with an angry, ugly editor that will go unnamed, who told me my main problem was my satire "lacked any humor, had needless swears, and was all around terrible". That's basically an actual quote.

But about a month or so after I'd started going into therapy to combat the social-emotional strain of all of these rejections, (now editor-in-chief) Maria Schneider called me and said that although they couldn't use my satire due to its high quantity of swears, they thought it was funny and were wondering if I would be interested in writing anything else. So I wrote two more features for them that they didn't hate and then they asked me whether I wanted to have a monthly column following "my writing life". And--as I'm sure my editors could attest-- it's been a honeymoon of glorious proportions ever since.

Tell us a bit about your novel(s) and the status?

I find it excruciatingly boring to talk at length about the contents of my novel, other than to say that it involves sexual assault, a thinly veiled college campus, several friends, two story lines, and nudity. Lots of nudity. As for the status, a (bad) draft of said novel is done. And, actually, I just set aside a block of time to do a severe re-write before my MFA program starts back up in the Fall and then I will spend all of the Fall preparing to defend it as my thesis. And then it will go out to one of my friends who's an agent, my thought process being that it will be too awkward for her to reject me because we're friends, and so she will feel obligated to try and bring it into the world, where it will hopefully fall somewhere in between Catcher in the Rye and The Second Nancy Drew/ Hardy Boys Super Mystery: A Crime for Christmas on the literary scale.

Give our readers hints on writing humor…the best hints you've got. The golden eggs and all that.

I wish I had some sort of golden humor eggs to impart. Or just golden eggs in general. The truth is for me, so much of humor writing is getting an idea or a premise and testing it out. Most of the times it doesn't work and i'll have to put it down or throw it out, but just getting an idea down when it comes to you is key, which is about as unhelpful a tip as I can give. It would probably be as useful if I said just be really, really funny.

The only real tip I have is a phrase I keep above my desk in my plush and expensively decorated apartment. It says: "Just tell the story. Forced humor= Kill Yourself!!" Which, of course, is a direct quote from Strunk and White's The Elements of Style.

Where do your column ideas come from? How do you keep your columns fresh?

I get most of my column ideas from repeated readings of Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven or from my multiple DVDs of that show with Paris Hilton and Lionel Ritchie's adopted daughter.


Would you care to share details about any strange writing habits you might have?

Well, I tend to pace around my room, talking out ideas to myself, which frightens my roommate, who's a dentist. I also wait until the last moment to do everything and then stress about it uncontrollably, which prevents people from liking me.


Any insecurities when it comes to writing – expand on that if it's a yes. If it's no, just skip the question…

I have millions of insecurities when it comes to writing. Probably too many to list, although i imagine they fall within the normal realm of a neurotic writer. But, I will admit, having had to sort of put my personal life out into the open with my column and blog, that I tend to care way too much about how other people are reacting to my work, and when I get negative letters--and trust me, I've gotten my share-- it's still very, very hard for me to shake things off and not let them affect me. I'm fragile, Kelly, very, very fragile.

What might we be seeing in the upcoming months on the pages of Writers Digest from Kevin Alexander?

Just about everything. Like I keep telling everyone, I'm very "with it". I've got a profile of an up and coming novelist named James Boice, a Q and A with Tom Perrotta about his new book, my hilarious yet useful column, and quite possibly a quiz (if i ever get around to editing it) entitled Does Your Editor Hate You? So i'm all over the map, whatever that means...


You work with writing gurus. What is the best writing advice you've heard?

Just do it. Um, actually maybe that was from a Nike commercial, but honestly, it's the best advice. Just write. And write. And write. Like anything, you can only get better, although--who are we kidding--I've probably already peaked.


What is the worst writing advice you've encountered?

My friend and self proclaimed writing guru Casey Hurley once told me that "writing was like going to the dentist except with pens". To this day, I still have no idea what the hell he was talking about.


What is your favorite piece of writing – one you've written?

One of my favorite non-Kevin Alexander pieces is called "The American Male at Age Ten" by Susan Orlean, which is in her The Bullfighter Checks Her Makeup collection. It's just the most fantastic piece, funny, informative and so, so pitch perfect; encapsulating what it means to be a boy at that age. She's amazing. Which leads me to my own favorite story, which was the first one I ever got published in a major magazine. It was called "Boys Life" and told the story of what it was like to be a 13 year old boy through the eyes of these three different eighth graders. I completely ripped off the idea for it from Susan Orlean, but I love how it ended up coming out. Plus it won some sort of very minor award, which my mom immediately framed and then lost.


Favorite authors?

I love so many writers that it's very difficult for me to choose, and I tend to separate the magazine writers I like from the novelists, but here are a few of my favorites in both categories: Sam Lipsyte, John Jeremiah Sullivan, David Foster Wallace, Tom Junod, Richard Ford, James Alan McPherson, Bill Buford, Roddy Doyle, Gary Shteyngart, Susan Orlean, Benjamin Alsup, Chuck Klosterman, Jonathan Ames, George Saunders, Zadie Smith, Nick Hornby, Thomas King, Sherman Alexie, Michael Lewis, Charles Portis... I could seriously go on forever.


Columnists who've inspired you.

Everyone always assumes that I love Dave Barry and so they always buy me Dave Barry books and calendars and ask me if I wish I was him. And although the answer is obviously, yes, I wish I was Dave Barry because I assume he's relatively wealthy, I don't really read him. Surprisingly, I actually have a hard time reading humor strictly for humor's sake, unless its satirical or pretty dark. Most of the time, I need it to have an alternative purpose as well. But I'm ducking the question and rambling so I'll just say that I like Chuck Klosterman's column in Esquire and we can move on.


Favorite writing-how-to books.

The Forest for the Trees by Betsy Lerner, Bird by Bird by Anne Lamont, I've probably read On Writing Well by William Zinsser 60 times.


Comedians who've influenced you.

In high school my friends and I used to watch this bootlegged VHS of a David Spade special on HBO over and over and over and over again. Come to think of it, we were pretty lame. But it remains my favorite stand up bit of all time. The humor from that was so infused into my own speech that the first time I played it for my girlfriend in college, she goes, "Oh, I see. You're not actually funny or creative at all. David Spade is funny." So I've stopped showing girls that tape.


Do you lean toward humor writing or is it a challenge for you?

I didn't set out to be any sort of humor writer. I very much just wanted to write books, magazine articles and teach college, and have summers off to sleep in and teach urban dance workshops, but i think I've always been interested in humor and, on a certain level, I can't help it: I have a very hard time taking myself seriously.


You also freelance for several well-know publications. What is your favorite thing to write about?

I think nearly 95% of magazine writers respond to this question with, "I like quirky, irreverent stories about people" but, um...I like quirky, irreverent stories about people. I just like the stories where I can sit back and observe. I'm a dreadful investigative reporter, and I hate calling people I don't know, and I get very nervous asking people things, especially if they're uncomfortable, so just being able to observe is my comfort zone. I'm kind of pathetic like that.


Anything you'd like to leave us with, either about Writers Digest or your other pursuits?

I think if someone actually made it to the end of this Q and A, they should get some sort of endurance award or maybe a free DVD of the final season of One Tree Hill. Sorry for being so damn verbose.

But seriously, if people aren't totally sick of me, they can read my very random weekly blog or check out my "This Writer's Life" columns in the actual magazine. And all of my Boston Magazine articles are up on their website if you just search for my name.

Finally, I'd like to give a "shout out" to the guy who was sitting next to me on the plane, reading most of my answers to these questions over my shoulder, but trying to be, like, subtle about it. So holler at your boy, Patrick Davidson of Burlington, MA! I hope you liked what you read!