Humorist/Erma Bombeck Conference Director - Tim Bete

I’m a former newspaper columnist and author of two books, In The Beginning...There Were No Diapers (2005, Sorin Books) and Guide to Pirate Parenting (2007, Cold Tree Press). My parenting advice has been published in dozens of newspapers, magazines and Web sites, including The Christian Science Monitor, Atlanta Parent, Big Apple Parent, Northwest Family, FathersWorld.com and ParentingHumor.com. I’m married with four children and have 19 combined years as a dad -- 133 in dog years -- which makes me an expert at answering the questions, "Are we there yet?" "Why?" and "What's that smell?"

I’m formerly the editor of Early Childhood News magazine, and have written advertising copy for General Mills, IBM, Rayovac and Worldbook. I’m currently the director of the University of Dayton's Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop and also Communication Director for St. Mary Development Corporation.

My hobbies include pushing my luck, skating on thin ice and fishing my kids' toys out of the toilet.

What benefits can fiction writers gain with the study of humor writing?

Including humor or a humorous character in a novel adds a second dimension to a story.

Often humor can be used to lighten a situation or provide a break for the reader between particularly heavy chapters. I think Dickens did that well. Most of his stories have a humorous character or two. Besides, novels replicate aspects of our lives and most lives include quite a bit of humor.

Share details regarding the Erma Bombeck contest and conference.

The University of Dayton's Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop is held every other year in Dayton, Ohio, to commemorate the legacy of one of the greatest American humorists. The next workshop will be held April 3-5, 2008. Speakers will include Garrison Keillor, Martha Bolton and Mike Peters, among others. Sessions focus on humor and human interest writing as well as how to get published. The workshop fee is $350 and includes all meals. For more information, see Humor Writers



What does the Erma Bombeck conference offer that a fiction writer might not find in any other large conference?

The Bombeck Workshop is the only workshop that focuses on humor and human interest writing. If you're trying to infuse your novel with humor, the Bombeck workshop is the place to go. Many of the attendees and speakers are novelists.

How long have you been involved in the conference and contest and how did you get involved?

I've been involved with the workshop since it began in 2000. I was just beginning to write humor and was already working for the University of Dayton, so it was natural to get involved. The workshop stared as a one-time event but it was so popular that we’ve continued it.

The Erma Bombeck Writing Competition is held every year in conjunction with the
Washington-Centerville Public Library. More than 1,000 writers enter each year. There's no entry fee and cash prizes. The best way to get information is to subscribe to the free newsletter at Humor Writers. The contest is announced in the newsletter.

In your experience, is the humor market wide open, or tighter than other markets? Give some feedback. What about Christian humor vs. other markets?

The humor market is huge because it can be added to any existing market. For example, you can write a humorous essay about golf for a golf magazine or a funny story about cats for a cat magazine. There are few humor-only magazine (e.g., The Funny Times, MAD, Cracked) but many, many publications that accept humor. The Home Forum section of the Christian Science Monitor is a great place to get published.

I’ve written both secular and Christian humor. There are markets for both. The key is to know the publication to which you’re trying to sell. Your humor has to have the right tone for the publication. Some like over-the-top humor while others prefer more subtle humor.

Can some be taught to be funny or is it a nurture/nature issue?

Writing humor is natural for me. You have to write in your own voice. If your voice is funny, then write that way. If your voice isn't funny, don't force it.

I’ve heard a lot of debate on whether humor writing can be taught. Mel Helitzer, who taught comedy writing at Ohio University for many years and spoke at the first Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop, says the ability to write humor can be taught.

One time Mel was talking with Woody Allen. Woody didn’t believe that humor writing could be taught. Mel’s response was, “You mean you don’t know how to teach it.” That’s an interesting observation. Just because you don’t know how to teach something, doesn’t mean it can’t be taught.

I have my own theory. I think humor writing can be taught to a certain degree. There are tricks of the trade – such as how to set up jokes – but the most successful humor writers have a little "faulty plumbing." Here’s my faulty plumbing theory of humor writing. Like most great ideas, it came to me in the bathroom.

We had just finished building our house. I had to use the bathroom and sat down on the toilet. Immediately, I felt a warm sensation, similar to being in a sauna. I jumped up and noticed steam rising from the toilet bowl. The plumber had reversed the hot and cold water pipes, so we had hot water in our toilet. The hot water was going where it wasn't supposed to go. It was in the wrong place.

Humor writers' brains are like toilets -- not that I had to tell you that. But not ordinary toilets -- they are toilets in which ideas go to the wrong place. Ideas are put together that aren't supposed to go together. Humor writers have faulty plumbing -- they have hot water in their toilets. And unlike the toilet in our house, humor writers' minds cannot be fixed. It's a permanent condition.

Let me give you an example. One day my daughter was playing with her Big Bird doll. She was feeding the doll a piece of plastic chicken. What comes to mind for most people? “Isn’t she cute feeding Big Bird?"

This is what comes to my mind: If the movie “Silence of the Lambs” was performed by Sesame Street characters, Big Bird would play Hannibal Lecter – get it, Big Bird is eating chicken! That’s a sick, twisted thought. It’s faulty plumbing. I have hot water in the toilet.

Do you find that writing with humor can help you say something that might not be accepted as well delivered another way? Please share...

Absolutely! Erma Bombeck said, “In writing humor, the only thing that is important is that you get close enough to the truth to reach people and far enough away not to offend them.” Humor is based in truth. Erma also said, “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.” You need to be careful that your humor isn’t too harsh.

Give our readers hints on writing humor…sure-fire ways to add a humorous tone to writing that feels dry.

Most humor has to do with putting two unlikely ideas together. Start with the existing situation in your novel and brainstorm some "what if" scenarios. For example, if two characters are arguing and start throwing things at each other, what might they throw?



Pillows? chairs? Jello? Bricks? Eggs? You can feel the mood – and humor -- of the scene change based on what's being thrown.

There are three basic parts to a humor piece: the topic, the format and the individual jokes. Many writers move straight from the topic (say, Valentine's Day gifts) to individual jokes (e.g., I bought my wife a vacuum cleaner for Valentine's Day. She said it sucked) without considering the format. This often results in a list of jokes that work better as a stand-up routine than as a coherent, printed piece. Formats provide a starting point and framework that tie the topic and jokes together. The format is the skeleton of the piece. It’s up to the writer to put the meat on it.

You’ve heard dozens of jokes that begin with, “Three writers walk into a bar,” and end with, “The third writer looks at the bartender and says ...” Standard formats like this work for jokes without diminishing their humor. Recognizing and using them allows you to sit down and write funny material whenever you want—not just when an idea hits you. Formats provide ready-to-use concepts so you can produce material faster and funnier—and sell more pieces.

For example, the diary format provides a chronological structure (e.g., day one, day two) that escalates in exaggeration from the first entry to the last. I used the diary format to write, "No Rest for the Weary," which I sold to several regional parenting magazines. My piece described the first five sleepless days and nights with a new baby in our house and escalated from "Day 1: Yawning" to "Day 5: Comatose."

The advice format parodies the "Dear Abby" style, using a Q&A structure in which both the question and answer are made up by the writer. Pulitzer Prize-winning newspaper columnist Dave Barry uses an advice format for his "Ask Mister Language Person" pieces, in which he provides "the grammar, punctuation and vocabulary skills you need to verbally crush your opponents like seedless grapes under a hammer."

The process of running a topic through different formats may provide the concept to write an entire piece. Just as often, however, reviewing possible formats leads to an idea that doesn’t fit neatly within any one of them or creates a new format altogether. The more formats you discover, the easier it is to write your next piece.

Favorite writing-how-to books.

The Deer on a Bicycle: Excursions into the Writing of Humor by Patrick F. McManus
How to Write Funny: Add Humor to Every Kind of Writing by John B. Kachuba

Comedy Writing Secrets by Melvin Helitzer

The Frugal Book Promoter: How to Do What Your Publisher Won't by Carolyn Howard-Johnson

On Writing by Stephen King

Bird by Bird : Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott

Writing the Breakout Novel by Donald Maass

Comedians who've influenced you.

Bill Cosby, Steve Martin, Dave Barry

Where do you find inspiration for your books?

I have hotwater in the toilet, remember?!

Would you care to share details about any strange writing habits you might have?



I wore a pirate hat and drank a lot of beer while writing Cap'n Billy "The Butcher"
MacDougall's Guide to Pirate Parenting: Why You Should Raise Your Kids as Pirates and 101 Ways How to Do It."