Ane's Take

While I agree with Jessica's comments about focus and pace, this is a great chapter. Really good opening hook! It drew me right into the story. I like the writer's voice. Excellent job at weaving in small bits of personality into Honor's actions. The small amounts of back story were well delivered as happenings of that day, and did not take me out of the story. The author used them to build her heroine's personality for the reader. While I saw some broken "rules", this author knew when to break them—and did it well. So all I have are some small tweaks to offer for strengthening this chapter.

Avoid using italics for emphasis. Trust your own abilities as a writer, using strong words to show the speaker's emotions. You don't need them; your sentences show that.

In the line: Honor heard the swish of the dial followed by soft ticking. I almost wanted to tweak that so it showed instead of told, but there is something about it I liked. With the other character's back to her so Honor couldn't see it, the line worked for me. Normally, I'd offer a suggestion to change it, but not in this case.

However, (there's always a however, isn't there?) this one: (When Vicki turned to the sink, Honor noticed the sunlight streaming through the window added gold highlights to her friend’s short red hair) doesn't work. I'd suggest: When Vicki turned to the sink, the sunlight streaming through the window added gold highlights to her friend's hair.] That way, we see it through Honor's eyes. That's showing instead of telling.

That was the extent of my pickings. Well done!